Alrighty its time I let you all off the hook.

The year is 2024…. I am packing up my house before we move 7 hours south to Bunbury…. my brothers are getting on my nerves.

Hopefully, as you recall, I had just been busy in the backseat of a boy’s car, which would have been fine had I not become so (slightly) obsessed. A couple weeks go by, we snap a little bit but not as much as friends would. I guess I just have to accept it was a one time thing, which isn’t bad because it is technically what I wanted, but I did not think it would be such a good damn one time.

I get to the point where we’re too busy at home anyway, packing, cleaning, cleaning the packing, packing the cleaning, anddd trying to do all this with two teenage brothers who couldn’t give two shits about what they are told to do, and a father who also didn’t care if my brothers weren’t doing what they were told. And then mum would come home from a 12 hour day at work and ask very loudly why this stuff wasn’t done.

I snapped.

I broke down in my room one night, which might seem self-centred? or prissy? but being at home all day every day with three people who can’t empathise breaks a persons head a little bit. It wasn’t the physical cleaning that was getting to me, even though it was very physical work, but more the fact I had to stop every 5 minutes to ask and beg my brothers to help – with no luck. Yeah you could say it would be easier to just do it myself, but thats not fair. If they were younger, maybe, but my youngest brother was 14 and both of them were both able to help. So yeah, it wore me down.

Mum came into my room as I was packing my bag. I didn’t know where I was going, just out. Away. Not running away of course (-13/10 do not recommend running away EVER) but just staying somewhere so I could feel like I wasn’t going insane. Mum suggested I go to Nana’s house.

Nana is my 93 soon to be 94 year old great grandmother who was born and raised in Geraldton. She’s knows a lot and has seen a lot. But mostly she talks a lot.

She’s very lonely, and its rather sad actually. My poppa passed away in 2016, Nana’s last sister died in 2023 and her best friend and neighbour died shortly after that. She can’t drive (for good reason…) and I am essentially the only grandkid/great grandkid that willingly comes to visit.

I’d been staying at Nana’s nearly every Friday night since year 10 because I went to a church youth group just up the road. After I finished school we didn’t have that regular sleepover date. So I went to stay with Nana for the week.

I called and asked if its okay first, just in case, and she said she has lunch with some friends tomorrow but I can just keep myself busy and of course it was no problem at all.

Brilliant! To Nana’s!!!

I love Nana, much more than I actually like staying at her house; with the freezer meals, spiderwebs, and perpetual mothball smell, it wasn’t my favourite place but it was still home. There was always milo because she knows I don’t drink coffee, the bed in the spare room is always made, and I know she sleeps better with someone else in the house. Me too Nana.

Thursday comes and Nana says shes going to lunch with Jen and Alison, and asks if I’d like to come with. Sure, what better way to spend my holidays than attending lunch with my grandmother and co. I know Jen, because Nana sometimes goes to the doggy club with her and I’ve heard her mentioned before. Never heard Alison mentioned before which strikes me as odd once we get to lunch. Jen picks us up and its no issue that I’m coming with. We find a table and wait for Alison. Soon after Ali gets there, her and my Nana just do. not. stop. laughing!! I very rarely see Nana so happy these days, and her and Alison are as thick as thieves! Jen sits there quieter, very demure, but yeah Nana and Ali are just going at it, play slapping each other arms and I’m pretty sure there were tears at one point!

Things calm down a bit once lunch arrives, but I like Ali. She seems to be a great friend to my Nana and is asking questions about my brothers and I, what we want to do after school etc. I sit and eat and hear about everyone’s families, including who I assumed were Alison’s husband, kids and grandkids. Apparently, these ladies go out for lunch together every couple of weeks so they’re all mostly up to date on the family lore and goings-ons, which is where I was disadvantaged.

Nearing the end of lunch, I only have a couple mouthfuls left when Alison starts talking to me again. She asks how old I am (18) and then says something I will never unhear.

Oh, you must know my grandson then. Charlie Lastname.

Bombs explode. Sirens are going off. The people in my head are either screaming, laughing, crying, or a mixture of all three.

I must maintain my cool.

“Oh yeah, we went to school together.”

Since year 3. I hooked up with him less than 3 weeks ago. He has seen me naked. I have ****** *** ****!

And now I was having lunch with his grandma. OMG

OMFG

Oh no

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Must. Keep. Calm.

“Yeah we actually went to primary school together as well.” Omg girl shut up!

Nana pipes in with a “Oh how funny’s that?” Yes very amusing.

I need to tell Samantha. I need to tell Kylie. I need to look at someone other than Charlie’s nan 😭

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say to escape this table and to disarm the sirens that have been alarming in my head the past minute. And by go to the bathroom I mean send a voice note to every emergency service available (my best friends).

“I’ll come with,” says Alison.

Fuck

And then the whole time we walked to the bathroom, while we were in our stalls, when we washed our hands, and all the way back to the table, Ali talked about Charlie. Karma is wack bro.

She talked about all the sports he does, (I know, he is very fit), and his apprenticeship (yep, I’ve heard about it) and how she never gets to see him anymore because he’s always working (can’t help you there, he saw me like 18 days ago)

I did not eat another mouthful of my food after that.

At the end of lunch, they were all saying their goodbyes. Alison says she’ll say hi to Charlie for me. “Yeah that would be great, thanks.”

NOOO

Not great! Stupid

So once I’m back at Nana’s I message Charlie. I mean, it would be kinda stalker-ish if you get with someone and then they have lunch with your grandma. I had to let him know it was an accident and I definitely did not plan this or stalk him/his nan.

He just says lol thats awkward.

Ffs… boys amiright?

Yep and that is the plot twist. Steve thinks it was comedy gold (yes of course I told Steve, and all my friends once I got home and was out of Nana’s earshot) and I still think its the most sitcom thing to ever happen in my life. Just imagine all the laughter sound effects from the fans of my tv show.

Well I hope the internet likes this story and thinks its as much of a plot twist as I do!

So sorry Charlie, you might never read this story but I’ll apologise in advance if it happens to go viral.

Cya